Everyday, I worry about my son, A. He is such an easy-going little man. He demands nothing from me, or anyone for that manner. He is a middle child so he’s sandwiched between a strong-willed older sister and a naturally demanding 1 year old brother.
First, I’m 3 times busier with work.
Second, he has to split his time with two people. Even though my daughter doesn’t need any more tutoring, I still spend time listening to her stories. My youngest is still a baby and babies need a lot of attention.
Third, I am not young and I get tired faster.
Fourth, he isn’t as intense in personality as his siblings.
My mantra with him seems to be, “Read this by yourself and I will test you later”. He is able to ask questions if he doesn’t understand things. However, with him, there seems to be a lot of self-studying. I work side-by-side with him in the study room. In fact, I make test papers WITH answer keys so I can just print them out for him.
Sometimes, I feel insanely guilty that I’m not doing enough for him. However, I have no idea where to draw the time or energy from.
One day, I got stuck at a series of meetings from lunch onwards and I wasn’t able to prepare for him. As time crept by, I was very aware that it was getting late and the meeting was nowhere near finished.
My phone rang.
It was A.
I stepped outside to talk to him and I thought he was calling because he had a problem.
Instead, he started narrating his subjects for the day and what subjects had new lessons. He told me that he reviewed the new lessons, read the book and understands them all. He told me that I don’t have to worry and I can just test him when I get home. Then, my daughter got on the line and told me she will test him herself so I don’t have to do it when I get home since she does her own studying and is done.
I was floored.
I realized that I underestimated how resilient children are. I felt gratified that he knew where my heart was and that my intentions were true. I felt relieved that he understood and is capable of meeting me halfway. I felt thankful that I have a daughter who is willing to pitch in when I am unable to be there.
I felt a truckload of guilt lift from my shoulders.
I realized then that my kids are going to be okay…
I may not be perfect but they don’t need a perfect mom. They are more than capable to make up for the lack.
When you see a mom who seems to be doing it all and you wonder “How does she do it ALL?!”
She probably DIDN’T…. she had help along the way.