Abstinence: Why Wait?


In this generation of instants… instant messaging, instant photos, instant noodles, instant gratification…. it is difficult to ask the people from this generation to wait.

Why should they?  They have never had to wait for anything in their life.  Delaying gratification is practically an alien concept.

In our generation, we had to wait to get the photo developed to see it.  If we needed to do a paper, we needed to go to the library and break down some books for the information.

Now, in the age of digital cameras, iPhones and iPads, photos and videos can be seen in seconds.  To do research all they need to do is log onto google and do a quick search.

How do we talk to our children then and convince them to wait for the right person… to wait for marriage… to just wait….

In this day and age where sex is all over the television, movies and even in the songs that are regularly played.  It’s hard to talk about sex without sounding like a prude.

However, I had to try.  I knew it was important for me to talk to her about that and the topic was always just there, niggling at the back of my mind waiting for the right time.

Out of the blue one day, she asked me a question about teenage pregnancy and I took the opportunity to make my pitch for abstinence.

I asked her to value herself and to wait.

I told her not to value herself and her body so cheaply that she would allow herself to be used for a moment’s pleasure.

You see, people are willing to wait for things they consider valuable.

For example, here is a basic mundane analogy.   The hot technology of the moment is an iPhone 6.  It’s coming out in a few months and I’m willing to bet it costs a huge amount.

Most people are waiting for that phone to be released… they’re willing to wait and collect money, setting aside an amount month to month in order to afford that prized phone.

Hubby S needs a phone right now.  He needs it badly as his phone is breaking down at the seams.  However, he won’t settle for a phone he can buy right now on the cheap.  He has decided to wait for the phone he thinks is of high value and potentially high quality.

I told my daughter, “You’re worth waiting for.  You’re special.  You’re worth having a man who will love you as you deserve to be loved… as you are now loved and cherished by Papa and I.”

I told her she deserves to be treated with respect… valued.. honored.  She deserves to give herself to someone who has promised her all his tomorrows through a sealed covenant…. and not just a fleeting vision of what could be.

I told her that she should value herself and her future to the utmost…. not to throw it all away for a guy’s whispered promises and the potential of getting her heart broken.  I hoped she would wait until she’s absolutely sure he is the one.

I told her I waited with her dad as we were together for 7 years before we got married and I have no regrets.  He waited for me … proving to me how much he valued me and we’re wonderfully happy together.

Hubby S never pressured me into doing anything I wasn’t comfortable with.  He valued me too much.  He had all the makings of a wonderful husband.. someone who will put their partner above themselves.

That’s how you find out for sure if the person you’re with values you highly enough… make them wait.

I plan to keep repeating this message to her for as long as I possibly can until such time that the teenage hormones kick in and she starts rolling her eyes at her old mother and refuses to listen.

I plan to do the same to my son when he gets old enough for the conversation.  I have a few more years to go before that time comes.

I have no idea if the concept of waiting is so outdated that it isn’t a reasonable hope.  But there’s no harm in hoping.


7 thoughts on “Abstinence: Why Wait?

  1. This is beautiful Jan. I hope to instill the same with my boys too. To value themselves and value others. To wait and work hard for something they really want. I hope I remember this desire when the time comes.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for this. I have a 17 year old now. Gosh, how I wrack my brain in how to reach out to him about these things. Sometimes, the best I can do is to have faith in the goodness that I know is instilled in his heart.


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