Francis Kong graciously agreed to talk about Parenting at my children’s school last year and he mentioned the most effective way of communicating with children is via their preferred love language. It is the best way to help them feel loved and cherished.
It was one of the best talks I’ve ever attended and I left the venue inspired to learn more and be the best parent I can be.
Since there was so much to discuss he was only able to brush through the topic and I was wondering where I could find more information about it.
Luckily my friend, C.U. offered to give me a copy of the book that details the love languages that Mr. Kong was referring to.
It did not disappoint. It is a book geared towards spouses and how to communicate with your spouse. A boon for couples.
There are 5 love languages:
People with Words of Affirmation as a primary love language feel loved if their partners give them compliments or express appreciation for what they have done.
People with Acts of Service as a primary love language feel loved if their partners do tasks or chores for them that they would normally have to do.
People with Quality Time as a primary love language feel loved if their partners spend time to give them undivided attention – doing activities or talking.
People with Receiving Gifts as a primary love language feel loved if their partners give them little presents, which don’t necessarily have to be expensive, but are symbolic of being remembered. They can be homemade or a simple flower picked for free.
People with Physical Touch as a primary love language feel loved if their partners affectionately touch them in a non-sexual manner. Hugs or kisses are very important for them.
The key is knowing what the primary love language of your children or spouse is because that’s the best way to make them feel the most loved and appreciated. People with different love languages react to your actions in different ways. Couples or Parents and Children expressing love in different love languages could be completely missing the love messages being transmitted.
The book goes on to outline details and give you tips on how to “communicate” your love and appreciation to all 5 language types, which was extremely helpful. The book also reiterates that the only thing you can control is yourself and sometimes, you need to make the first move and hope your partner responds.
I quickly asked my children and Hubby S to take the test to qualitatively determine what their primary love language is on the website: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/.
I have attached the exams below that I got from the website for easy reference.
Love Languages Test for Children
Love Languages Test for Couples
I am so glad that I was able to do this with my family.
Reading through the results, we had a chance to discuss how we can help each other feel appreciated and loved.
I had conversations with Hubby S, C & A individually and collectively. It was a wonderful way to know the people I love on a much deeper level. We laughed a lot and hugged a lot. It was an evening well spent.
Now, I know how to communicate better to my children and my spouse. I finally know what actions mean the most to them and inversely, I know what actions to avoid because it can hurt them the most.
I feel like I was given a road map on how to love and express my love to my family.
One step closer to being the wife and mother my family deserves.