Saying I’m Sorry to my Little Girl


Today, my beautiful baby girl C and I had a moment.

I admit, I’ve been a little hot-tempered.  I blame the lack of sleep and stress of work but there’s really no excuse.

I’ve been less than a perfect mom.

And as the eldest, my poor little girl has been getting most of the brunt of it. She doesn’t deserve that.

She’s been having a difficult time because we’ve been pushing her to study by herself and trying to get her to demand more of herself in terms of performance in school.  Her grades were good but, obviously, nowhere near the level she was at when we were still studying together.  Of couse, it’s really not her fault as she’s still adjusting and she’s only 10 after all.

She’s been short-tempered with her little brother which is actually quite normal sibling behaviour but is causing little brother A to quake in fear sometimes.  I can see though she’s been trying very hard to be more patient and she’s so much better now.

She’s also adjusting to the added responsibility of caring for her baby sibling as we’ve turned to her to be an option to carry and calm the baby during bathroom breaks.  She’s been wonderful at it too. I realize now how much pressure she must be under.

I keep forgetting she’s only 10… a very mature, capable and smart 10-year-old but still… 10 is 10.

This morning, I was giggling at her because she looked so cute and she got testy and her eyes turned red with threatened tears.  I was surprised at her reaction and I asked her why she was so sensitive.  I asked her what’s wrong. I told her if something’s wrong she should tell me.

Instead of telling me, she wrote me a little note that made me realize how much pressure she must be under.

She said she got so mad because her long time yaya and I were giving her instructions at the same time and she was scrabbling to follow both.  She said when she wasn’t able to follow her yaya, her yaya got mad at her (because she didn’t know I also told her to do something).

She told me in the letter it’s hard to be her.  It broke my heart.

Letter from my child

The line that brought me to tears

I let her yaya read the letter.

Her yaya cried.  I cried.

I called her and she rushed into my arms and started bawling.

I apologized over and over again and I told her how much I loved her.

She cried, saying “it’s okay mama”, as we hugged each other.

She went to her yaya and they had a moment with each other too.

I needed that.

Sometimes, I expect too much from my kids.

Sometimes, I can get cranky at them because they’re such easy targets.

All they want is to be loved and snuggled.  They don’t know I didn’t sleep.  They don’t know how much work I need to do.  They don’t know if I’m in a rush and feeling harassed.

All they know is “mama is mad at me” and it breaks their little hearts because they love me so much.

I needed this.  I needed to be reminded.

I’m not perfect, I never pretended to be.  But I need to be better.

————————————————————————————————

To my little lady, baby man and baby boy:

“I love you forever, I’ll like you for always.  As long as I’m living, my baby, you’ll be. ”           

— Taken from the book “I love you forever”

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5 thoughts on “Saying I’m Sorry to my Little Girl

  1. I am guilty of expecting too much from my kid at times too. And to think she’s only two, never mind how precocious she is. I apologize to her just the same, even if she still can’t quite understand my reasoning. What’s important is she knows Mommy is not too proud to say sorry to her.

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      • You mean the only who expects too much from her kids sometimes? Hardly. Almost every mother does, just not everyone can admit it out loud. 😉 It’s an easy trap to fall into, especially when the kid/s show intelligence or maturity (or both) beyond his/her years. Sometimes we really do need a reminder that hey, at the end of the day they’re still kids and don’t know better. I know I do.

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  2. Hi! I’ve been following your blog for sometime but it’s only now that I’ve tried reading your past articles. This one made me cry…and guilty. Yes, unknowingly, we do expect too much from our kids. More so on eldest daughters (She’s only 9 now & our kids are schoolmates bdw). We recently had a “moment” as well and i’m ashamed to say i haven’t said sorry yet for my recent “blow-up”. Like you said, work pressures really get to you sometimes (and cuts our patience significantly!) but that’s really no excuse. Thank you for the reminder. God bless!

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    • Thank you so much Jade for your kind words. It’s hard to be a mother. Modern moms are expected to do everything so something has to give. Don’t worry, kids are resilient…. things will be fine.

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