I’ve finally passed the one month mark exclusively breastfeeding.
Since my last post, I’ve had days of blissful breastfeeding where Baby S was peacefully latched and I was able to work at the same time.
I have learned to stop being self-conscious about breastfeeding in public. In fact, I have been able to bring Baby S with me to places like the City Sports Club bringing nothing but diapers, wipes and a cloth covering which was a major convenience.
I have been able to pump some milk to store as a buffer in my freezer so that I am not panicking when I do have to leave home… a 5 to 10 minute pump after a feed results in about 1.5 oz of milk to store (still a small amount but hopefully it will increase some more…)
Baby S has become so used to feeding from the breast that he empties it rather quickly and when he is done feeding, he refuses to latch when I am still giving him the breast and he actually bursts into angry tears if I persist in making him latch.
After feeds, when he is sated with milk, Baby S rewards everyone with beautiful smiles. He smiles often and for just about anyone. He is content lying down on the bed listening to me sing to him and grasping his hands. He vocalizes with me when I’m talking to him which is so wonderful to hear.
In contrast there are days that Baby S was so fussy I couldn’t work during feeds and sometimes I had to change positions so many times before he would feel comfortable enough to feed. The loud crying and tears while my breast is in his mouth is so stressful and still brings with it intense insecurities.
After committing to breastfeeding in full for a little over a month, I’ve learned to let go and trust in my breast milk supply more.
The discomfort in breastfeeding has gone down so much that the only bad thing about feeding is having to stop work when he’s being fussy (he usually refuses to feed when I’m working.. he probably can sense I’m distracted).
It’s ironic because now, I feel anxiety when I leave home and I’m constantly wondering how Baby S is doing at home when I’m gone.
It has been getting pretty good… the loud wailing will never get any easier but at least I no longer assume his tears are my fault. We realized he has trouble falling asleep which is why he cries when he isn’t hungry.
I really can’t thank Kristy enough for constantly checking up on me and holding my hand through all of my fears, tears and bouts of uncertainty.
This past month wasn’t much but it has been a reason for me to celebrate. Yey Me!
Now, I’m completely dreading the coming of the teeth…. EEK….